By the beginning of December, I was basically done with Actualism practice. Despite still believing some of the core concepts, I could not afford to continue with an ineffectual life philosophy while in the throes of bipolar disorder. I was still phobic of applying for HR jobs, generally low functioning, and very obsessive.
I spoke with two different meditation teachers in this month, one of them being the Mahamudra practitioner Ron had introduced me to. Neither one ended up working for me. After doing some amatuer reading about the Mahamudra tradition, I tried and failed to whip up an off-cushion version for myself. It became clear that Awareness practices do not work like Vipassana practices at all. My attempts mostly ended up causing a hypervigilant suppression. Reading back on this month, I can tell that I lacked an understanding of how Morality and Wisdom need to be integrated (which I would gain in 2016).
I spoke with two different meditation teachers in this month, one of them being the Mahamudra practitioner Ron had introduced me to. Neither one ended up working for me. After doing some amatuer reading about the Mahamudra tradition, I tried and failed to whip up an off-cushion version for myself. It became clear that Awareness practices do not work like Vipassana practices at all. My attempts mostly ended up causing a hypervigilant suppression. Reading back on this month, I can tell that I lacked an understanding of how Morality and Wisdom need to be integrated (which I would gain in 2016).
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