In December, I continued with calm abiding breath practice, inspired by TMI. I had a decent shift a few weeks in, likely related to doing this practice steadily for a couple months by that time. Somehow a layer of dukkha tied up in the very movement of attention itself (regardless of object) came uncovered. It also probably helped that by this time I had been on the neurotransmitter supplements for almost 6 months. Specifically, I saw that I will always need to deal with a degree of frustration in my life & basic friction of day to day circumstances (see “samsara”). So I shouldn’t rely on habituation to gradually make things easier until pain disappears & I shouldn’t expect some Super-Surrender (™) to eventually open my chakras fully. Instead, I need to use grounded, rational thinking to manage my emotions & have reasonable expectations for things. After this - doing a lot of manual tasks & chores became much easier. This benefit is still i...
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.