I continued with actualism in the beginning of the month. I looked at all the things that were keeping me from feeling good in the moment. I also felt some depression, similar to last month. I investigated some unexamined high expectations I have of myself. I had another experience that seemed to be a ‘PCE’ in actualism parlance, while on a hike. I also felt some energetic rewiring sensations at different times. I confronted a deep sense of disappointment with spirituality, noticing that some of the reasons/goals that I started the path seriously in 2013 still seem to be out of my reach. I spent some time examining the downsides of striving. I felt a wave of stress about my job and money although nothing particularly was wrong. I retried taking a neurogenerative nootropic (that I mentioned earlier in my practice log) for a couple weeks. Mostly it seemed to make me more emotional & a bit crazy, so I stopped. I also went to a naturopath, which I wanted to go to as part of ...
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.