I continued with actualism in the beginning of the month. I looked at all the things that were keeping me from feeling good in the moment. I also felt some depression, similar to last month. I investigated some unexamined high expectations I have of myself. I had another experience that seemed to be a ‘PCE’ in actualism parlance, while on a hike. I also felt some energetic rewiring sensations at different times.
I confronted a deep sense of disappointment with spirituality, noticing that some of the reasons/goals that I started the path seriously in 2013 still seem to be out of my reach. I spent some time examining the downsides of striving. I felt a wave of stress about my job and money although nothing particularly was wrong. I retried taking a neurogenerative nootropic (that I mentioned earlier in my practice log) for a couple weeks. Mostly it seemed to make me more emotional & a bit crazy, so I stopped. I also went to a naturopath, which I wanted to go to as part of a consideration of going back on medication. I took a neurotransmitter test with her. The results were revealed at the end of the month, showing that all of my happy chemicals are well below normal. The naturopath was surprised by them, saying that I should be much lower functioning in life then I am based on the reading. This was very validating that the mood swings I was continuing to experience were based on biochemistry.
I confronted a deep sense of disappointment with spirituality, noticing that some of the reasons/goals that I started the path seriously in 2013 still seem to be out of my reach. I spent some time examining the downsides of striving. I felt a wave of stress about my job and money although nothing particularly was wrong. I retried taking a neurogenerative nootropic (that I mentioned earlier in my practice log) for a couple weeks. Mostly it seemed to make me more emotional & a bit crazy, so I stopped. I also went to a naturopath, which I wanted to go to as part of a consideration of going back on medication. I took a neurotransmitter test with her. The results were revealed at the end of the month, showing that all of my happy chemicals are well below normal. The naturopath was surprised by them, saying that I should be much lower functioning in life then I am based on the reading. This was very validating that the mood swings I was continuing to experience were based on biochemistry.
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