In November, I continued with Actualism. This involved the same types of investigation that occurred in previous months. In addition to depression, I obviously cycled through mixed states of agitation and manic upswings. My functioning was low, I was phobic of applying for HR jobs (still bartending) and I struggled to deal with the social isolation of being new to a city. I continued to write walls of obsessive text on the DhO. Throughout October and November, I had gradually titrated down off of my mood stabilizers and was suffering for it. I had a series of conversations with DreamWalker that helped me see a light at the end of the tunnel: further shifts to be had through spiritual practice (beyond Technical 4th Path). I also met with Ron Crouch for a second time since he had graduated me from his training. We reconfirmed that what I had experienced was technical 4th path. I told him I wanted to keep advancing along the Wisdom axis. ...
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.