July 2017

I continued with the same regular habits from last month, for most of this one.  I took a break from the nootropic for 3 weeks & noticed that it’s positive effects have remained.  The increasing automaticity & reduction of suffering has continued.  I am finding that my preferences are switching from unhealthy to healthy, unskillful to skillful: broccoli is the new ice cream, exercise is the new netflix, cleanliness is the new indulgence, etc.

My insecurity around partnership took a big hit when my friend introduced me to the idea of non-monogamy, defined by an absence of rules, expectations & structures, rather than a presence of some “alternative lifestyle” or special identity.  I am in the process of investigating how this can be carried out in a way that optimizes connection with others & my own 8fold path.  It feels like a huge weight dropped from my shoulders when I understood that my obstacle here may no longer be some narcissistic wound (as modern psychology would have one believe), but rather a basic delusion around what skillful lifestyle entails & what unconscious belief systems I have been holding on to.

I did have some noteworthy meditative experiences.  I feel that I am basically set up to have the perceptual center point drop away, as each major type of nondual perception is fairly prominent at all times in waking life.  However, there are states in which one or more of these senses deepen dramatically.  One happened when I felt a sense of calmness & serenity fusing my entire sense field together & amplifying the cloud of floating consciousness that is my normal experience these days.  I started laughing at the imax-like clarity that a caterpillar hanging from a tree took on.  Subtle wisps of restlessness completely shut down in my body for a few hours.  It was interesting.

I had a big insight into the need to prioritize life “buckets.”  Last October, I visualized these areas as circular: http://noahsmonthlyupdate.blogspot.com/2016/10/october-2016-appendix.html.  I am realizing that they are functionally more like a pyramid whose layers are proportional to their importance.  The order would be physical health, career/finance, spirituality/intellect, relationships, hobbies.  Viewing the 5th limb of the 8fold path in this way has caused me to rethink how I spend my time in a more realistic, sustainable manner.  I understand that this process of transformation is limited by relative time & space, as well as the imperfect resources & conditions I possess as a human.