There were fun, fleeting cessations, insight experiences & fireworks off-the-cushion. There was an investigation of the upper fetters. Also I noticed a sense of awkwardness in a group setting, highlighting that my heart was still encased in duality. Seemed to open outwards in a subtle but sustained way for the past 3 weeks or so. I have noticed automatic, increased concern for other’s wellbeing & a general drive to do service.
There was frustration around trying to improve/work on too many life things at once. I decided to layer in only 2 habits at a time, every 2 weeks. I’ve done 2 rounds so far, focusing on reducing physical laziness (slouching), attentional restlessness (no tv/music), financial & health waste (no heavily processed food, shop at supermarket) & isolation (get back into dating with more consistency). These are moreso “70% of the time” type attempts rather than 100%. Don’t want to be perfectionistic & reify the process itself. Reading the new Manual of Insight translation helped inspire this.
I hope I am psychologically learning around work, sex & money. I spoke with Dhammarato around my accidental misinterpretation of the 8fold path as a productivity tool. It is actually an “unproductivity” tool in that you learn to do less. Less self improvement, less need to change things, more just working with what already is. At work I realized I am a “yes man” & need to put a hard stop on that. “Most people think ‘You’re OK, I’m not’ -- the truth is ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’ (from Dhammarato). This only came up now that I am comfortable at my job, I think. It links to the early dhamma such as the rhinoceros sutta: healthy boundaries of independence & the core truth that each person’s intention is their own way to happiness (this does not exclude basic kindness & structural-societal change). My stress as work is preventing me from sleeping multiple nights in a row. I can be miserable on one level (sleep deprivation) & OK on another now (awareness), which is interesting.
With dating I need to become more patient, insist on naturally occurring connection & not try to “improve myself.” The money piece relates to the 4 requisites (food, shelter, clothing, medicine): seeing how the sneaking ego attempts to bargain & ask for more than the basics. I think gaining financial independence is key to curing my insomnia & work stress. Not being a wimp at work by remembering that there are multiple other things I could be doing to make money (bartending, office, etc) at any given time. Doing less is the key overall phrase for these lessons.
I have enjoyed facilitating & participating in various local/regional “pragmatic dharma” (defined loosely) gatherings. Some are in person & others virtual. Will be good to see where that goes. I believe setting up a network of people hanging out with each other in real space rather than on text chat & forums is feasible & beneficial at scale.
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