At the beginning of the month, I had various psychological insights, energetic experiences & perceptual explorations. I think none of these have stuck around. The following types of progress from last month have continued: some depression has gone, unskillful lust has reduced, my heart is more open, chores are easier to do.
I think my detachment is developing. I feel a new sense of total-view on samsara. My entire motivational structure & identity, including all of my memories from this life, are a part of the conditioned existence which is subject to impermanence, not self & suffering. All large & small things are a part of this, on all levels. The perceptual field feels completely open & unidentifed between reference points but I’m sure more nondualities will reveal themselves over time. There is a new sense of utterly not engaging with the vast clarity it provides.
Furthermore, I can see more easily which goals are dharmic & which are not. Many material goals are being seen through. Basic maintenance of the body as well as the resources necessary to do that are what matters - not much else. Also, helping other people see this for themselves matters. When I say something like this, the context is that I still live with other people, hold down a job, have multiple hobbies & social relationships, etc.
On cushion I have been doing perfect parent visualization followed by breath meditation. The instruction from my spiritual friend has been to keep the breath interesting by noticing different aspects of the way it expands in the abdominal cavity, as well as mixing it with the loving metacognition of the perfect parent & the perceptual ground from which all percepts arise. This approach is working on trust: specifically the metacognitive awareness which guides attention to stay on the object by allowing it to feel safe. This necessitates accepting whatever arises, including bad feelings. I’ve done a few daylong sits with other SPUDS on the weekend & plan to continue that to allow this trust in the breath to build.
I think my detachment is developing. I feel a new sense of total-view on samsara. My entire motivational structure & identity, including all of my memories from this life, are a part of the conditioned existence which is subject to impermanence, not self & suffering. All large & small things are a part of this, on all levels. The perceptual field feels completely open & unidentifed between reference points but I’m sure more nondualities will reveal themselves over time. There is a new sense of utterly not engaging with the vast clarity it provides.
Furthermore, I can see more easily which goals are dharmic & which are not. Many material goals are being seen through. Basic maintenance of the body as well as the resources necessary to do that are what matters - not much else. Also, helping other people see this for themselves matters. When I say something like this, the context is that I still live with other people, hold down a job, have multiple hobbies & social relationships, etc.
On cushion I have been doing perfect parent visualization followed by breath meditation. The instruction from my spiritual friend has been to keep the breath interesting by noticing different aspects of the way it expands in the abdominal cavity, as well as mixing it with the loving metacognition of the perfect parent & the perceptual ground from which all percepts arise. This approach is working on trust: specifically the metacognitive awareness which guides attention to stay on the object by allowing it to feel safe. This necessitates accepting whatever arises, including bad feelings. I’ve done a few daylong sits with other SPUDS on the weekend & plan to continue that to allow this trust in the breath to build.
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