February 2019

The shift from last month seemed to sublimate or become absorbed into a new normal over a period of a couple weeks.  The insights & “point” of it are still present, but the obvious collapsing & bending of space is not happening. What has become more important is to relax into whatever types of perception are revealing themselves at a given time, including the various flavors of nonduality & centerlessness.  I think this transition away from “perception itself” & more into “my relationship with perception” is probably the most important February practice event. I’m gradually letting go of the idea that there is some hyper-esoteric new layer to practice that will reveal itself after the culminating shift that occurred last summer.

Points from session with spiritual friend: confirmed my approaches to sexual energy with the visualized consort are correct; encouraging me to bring more imaginal, magickal elements into practice to allow for higher identity formation; magick as the bridge between morality & wisdom; also how to transmit into the world… this transmission is a more advanced form of mental science/new thought in that it involves complete congruency in each area of life as well as a specific service orientation.  

I did some meditations on collective intimacy & shared space off cushion.  I read some Dzogchen texts & felt guided by their emphasis on the view as the vantage point from which experience is processed, rather than any type of experience, even very subtle ones.  Trusting this more & more as a continuous way to live. There were various types of physical kriyas & the sense of the chakras (particularly lower 3) integrating with the rest of the nervous system & each other in different directions.  There were weird A&Pish experiences of merging with everything.

With morality, sense of accomplishment & consistency.  Continued discipline fairly easily the whole month: cooking, cleaning, hygiene/grooming, diet & exercise (losing weight), tracking to lower blood pressure, sleep, etc.  With this pinnacle has come a sense of wanting to go on long retreat, which has risen & fallen recently. I’d love to sit in a cabin for several months & dig into sleep lucidity, visionary practice, inner heat practice & the like.  

I did some reflecting on what it means to “function” & what my “good enough” point is, now that I am essentially there.  Sensing that there’s a part of me still in the past “survival mode’ but that is slowly coming out. Practicing ways of communicating in relationship with others, what connection means for me, what I want out of my friendships & what I have to offer.  A few therapy microshifts occurred coming out of fruition, relating to these themes + reduction of ego-based reactivity (pride & envy). Continued reading a great book on oppression & ally work & other forms of healthy media consumption.