Over Labor Day weekend I went on a retreat with the SPUDS led by Tucker Peck, similar to past years. It was awesome. I meditated on the breath and also on the “bouncy zen”/zen spontaneity pointed to by the expansion & contraction paradigm Shinzen Young talks about. I also looked at mixing awareness with all levels of being and also having those levels seen as expressions of awareness. I found that I was able to sit more still than I have in past retreats.
Post retreat, I felt inspired to go back & look at aspects of traditional dharma I may have ignored. For instance, I had never previously considered taking the precepts or trying to practice right lifestyle in ways that would inconvenience me. Instead, I had considered that there must be modernized & pragmatic versions of all these traditional methods but somehow these interpretations have always ended up being what feels good & what is most convenient (go figure). With the returned faith in dharma from last month, I decided to take the rest of the traditional material more seriously.
I then began to investigate traditional dharma cosmology and concepts including: rebirth, karma, temporal cosmology, horizontal cosmology, vertical cosmology, scopes of the lam rim, refuge, merit, ngondro, tantra, etc. I worked to incorporate these ideas into my existing map for pragmatic dharma. Relatedly, I examined some theories on metacognition and contemplative practice. I began to mental model the ideas of karma & rebirth as being literally true the way they are described in classic Buddhist texts. How would this change my approach to practice? I read Bhikku Bodhi’s In the Buddha’s Words and then moved on to reviewing Dr. Berzin’s long exposition of the lam rim on the Study Buddhism website. The motivation section of the lam rim (initial scope) immediately began to cause a deeper sense of alignment towards dharma practice.
I spoke with my spiritual friend about my study of the lam rim. We discussed the importance of patience and long term view in this context. He advised me not to lose sight of my “pragmatic roots” as I delve deeper into the traditional side of things. We also spoke about debates between different schools around ‘holding the view’ being sufficient vs specific character development training. He nudged me more towards an integral view including all human knowledge, but this did not speak to me as much as the traditional approach.
I also found out this month that I had had a promotion at my job delayed. This really messed with my head for several weeks. It ended up helping to reinforce the notion of samsara as being literally and definitely unsatisfactory in a way that I had previously ignored. I also went back to the naturopath & got further supplements for the excitatory neurotransmitters. These gave me insomnia + a sense of agitated pressure for a week but then I got used to them & they ended up helping provide more energy throughout the day.
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