June 2020

In June, the themes around communication & identity continued.  I contemplated what authentic communication looks like & how it rests on all parties having some inner alignment (connecting with the agent-arena contemplations from last month).  The exploration of culture also continued, as I saw how introvert tendancies can reinforce the poisons of individualist culture.  To counter this, I meditated more on how to maximize “hunter gatherer happiness”, reading “Awakened Ape” by pragmatic dharma participant Jevan Pradas.  This linked up with my newfound hiking habit, as I absorbed nature/outdoorsy books & tv shows.  

I pondered the importance of accepting hardship as a vital facet of life rather than a phenomena to be rejected.  I also read “Tribe” by Sebastian Junger & found his valuing of loyalty & group membership to be a nice rebalancing.  The importance of social ritual in strengthening community came up, given that I was raised to see it as inauthentic.  Related to “Tribe’, I started reading a book called “Bowling Alone” about the decline of American community since the 1970’s.  Interesting correlations with the O’Fallon STAGES ego development model in that book. 

Like for so many others, BLM caused me to continue to explore how agent & target membership inequality informs so many aspects of everyday life & invisibly so (for agents).  I’ve used the book “Beyond Inclusion, Beyond Empowerment” as my map for this inquiry for several years now & will continue to do so.

On the meditation front, the “no emotions” insight that started in late April, fizzled out in early June.  I briefly explored stoic negative visualization practice & kurukulle practices from May.  I continued with 90 minute sits which were mostly focused on energy body stuff, but also incorporated various flavors of “do nothing” practice.

My habits were disrupted for multiple days, 2 times in June.  One occurrence may have been a reaction to alcohol consumption, but I’m not positive.  Regardless, these disruptions caused me to obsess a bit about how I could avoid them, including how investigation of how attitude plays a part.  I also thought about all the areas mentioned above might contribute - how subtle dukkha permeates many different areas of life.   Ultimately I found these inner patterns tiring & switched my regular habit goals from 7/7 days/week to 5/7 (which has continued to be a useful framing).  

In response to the habits I also fiddled with my amino supplements, which I actually think made things worse (increasing 1 happy chem can actually decrease others) & reinforced the need to just trust my naturopath.  Later in the month, I got a follow up neurotransmitter test which showed great improvements in my levels since the start of the year.