October 2020

In October, my formal practice consisted of the prayers that I had used for most of 2020 (refuge, bodhicitta, 4 immeasurables, 7 limbed prayer, dedication), as well as breath focus & the thigle breathing from last month.  I added in chanting colored seed syllables at each of the chakras as a way of further cleaning the energy system.  I also noticed that with the thigle breathing there tended to be an overwhelm of the tingly-bliss of the white thigle, which prompted me to start regularly adding in tummo in the beginning of my sequence, to ensure a solid base of heat.  With this tummo practice, I self generated as a deity (also using the mantra) from the Vajrayana retreat I was attending, feeling a good connection to the guru & deity from that particular lineage.

I started to notice how tummo is all about various “hacks” one uses with visualization, breath & movement to generate imagined & actual heat.  Specifically I played with engaging vs relaxing the pelvic floor in vase breathing, vase breathing with the knees bent & arms wrapped, visualizing 4 suns converging on the tummo spot & noticing the difference between recalling past sensations of real heat vs drawing up present sensations of imaginary heat.  I found that all of the prior months of energy body practice seemed to help pave the way for the bliss & heat to be able to spread in the body more easily.

There were a variety of effects resulting from the thigle breathing & tummo including the instinct for the flame to shoot up the spine immediately, which I knew from common energy sense & one of the retreats, to not allow - instead cultivating a “slow & low” fire, deep in the belly, first.  This was also paired with a sense of the side channels & branches in the legs, groin & belly opening out more.  This activity in the lower body was also sometimes accompanied by an orgasmic nondual sensation which has continued in future month’s practice sessions.  There were a variety of instances of tingling, as well as actual independent flame seeming to come alive.  Once or twice, with the bliss & breath retention, I felt the potential for a ‘shrinking back’ of my energy/consciousness into the central channel as a natural reflex.  Overall, there was just a range of intensity & flavors of bliss & heat.

Off the cushion, I continued with the practice of recirculating lust energy that I had started last month.  I continued to find great success with this as it helped me balance & manage a force inside that I previously found insurmountable.  The pathways it followed seemed to be parallel to those in the on cushion described above.  I also continued with the earth & water-based meditations, allowing the stability of earth & flexibility of water to seep deeper into my mind & body.  I maintained the up & right torso-opening practices that I had found helpful in prior months, noticing that they were still tending to close up after times of stress.  I researched the origins of this practice, finding that it was from a new age teaching group.  Related to the general theme of the energy body, I had an insight experience where my chakras were “talking to one another” up & down the central channel.  I believe the effects of this experience have continued to reverberate in future months.  

In terms of habit formation, I thought about how my remaining habit goals (like reconnecting with old friends & rekindling creativity) are more about the “chaotic”/interconnected side of things.  I did end up starting the creativity habits in October, adding drawing, writing, dancing & karaoke, in brief sessions, each 1x per week.  It felt really good to get some of these juices flowing again, after years in some cases.  I also started reading books again as a formal commitment, enjoying the saturation into new knowledge that that activity brings.  Overall, this range of action seems to bring a much greater richness & well roundedness to one’s consciousness & life.  I feel that it is aligned with the intention of a truly “integral” dharma path.  I was grateful to notice more “endurance” with my habits, finding myself able to string together a variety of errands throughout the day while needing less breaks/rest to downregulate any agitation.

In terms of theory & study, I spent a lot of time continuing to refine my view of a “Buddhist universalism” which avoids the various pitfalls I see in doctrines of Buddhist fundamentalism, physicalism, materialism, agnosticism, scientism, integralism & new age.  I also thought more about ego development & metamodernism, once again finding the Emerge podcast as great fuel for this.  I also pondered subtle activism & collective awakening, sparked by attending a lecture from my spiritual friend.

I had an epiphany about service - that it is important to just start living the life that is needed now, rather than preparing for it in the future (i.e. start living “greener” now rather than saving to retire to an eco-village).  I once again found myself listening to Soryu Forall/Monastic Academy talks & felt inspired by the hardcore ethics ethos but also contemplating the potential repression of some of the “fun” aspects of practice & life when that is ethos is taken to it’s extreme.  Related to all the above, I contemplated the importance of working towards independence from the financial system (due to its inevitable harm) whether through reducing spending or increasing income.  I also restarted volunteering efforts with the local traditional dharma center.