November 2020

In November, my on cushion practice was samatha, tummo & thigle breathing, in a cycle (in addition to other preliminaries at the start).  I noticed a strong feedback loop between them, as the tummo would create the necessary basis of heat & openness for thigle breathing, which would in turn would create a platform of bliss for the calmness of mind in samatha.

 

Off the cushion, I continued with the lust circulation practice recommended by my spiritual friend & found that it was helping clear deeper layers of tension & resistance.  It helped to relate this experience to the 4 levels of tantra & how they map on to increasing intimacy.  In our meeting this month, my spiritual friend explained that as I strengthen my solar plexus chakra (sense of self) via the fuel of the sex chakra, the heart chakra will naturally open.  This led to a few days of exaggerated bliss throughout the day, which was likely just an a&p phase influenced by practice techniques.  I also had several wake induced lucid dreams, which I believe were some of my only ones ever.  These have continued to occur very intermittently since this time.  In them, there is a sensation of mixing spacious awareness in with the dream as I am falling asleep.  I look forward to formally cultivating this soon.

 

I took a road trip to Utah with the same friend from the Montana trip, continuing to discover my sense of adventure.  I feel that these trips are doing positive things for my path, even if they are hard to identify.  While in Zion national park, I had some energetic opening to other people, as if a layer of saran wrap covering me was lifted.  Since that time (over 3 months) I have had a lasting increase in my baseline sense of empathy & compassion, understanding that others really are just like me.   

 

I continued my studies on buddhadharma topics, learning about how the chakras correspond to the 6 yogas, different types of phowa & the subtle anatomy of Dzogchen.  I also read up on how Dzogchen cosmology can help fill in some of the blanks with general Buddhist cosmology & further refined my understanding of the illusory body.  On that topic, my spiritual friend helped me consolidate my thinking, saying that from the Dzogchen perspective we are already in the illusory body, but doing the completion stage helps us gain confidence in this fact. I also continued with a long Vajrayana online retreat which covered many different sutra & tantra teachings.  In more ‘integrative’ studies, I contemplated group magick/collective subtle activism & how various levels of altruism fit into the overall map of the path.

 

In other notes, I continued my habits from prior months & thought about my goal of getting back in touch with friends & family.  I asked my spiritual friend, who didn’t have much advice to offer beyond general encouragement.  They also advised me on my desire to move to an ecovillage (part of the hardcore altruist trend from recent months), supporting it but encouraging a gradual process so that I find a community with the right balance (i.e. ethical, dharmic & integrative).  I had an insight about how extroversion can appear as happiness in “muggles.”  I experienced some anxiety as I took on more responsibilities in my job.  I interacted with a high-ranking Buddhist teacher from the local traditional center.  I mused about how I’ve come to focus on more refined/higher ethics goals as my personal habits have been cleaned up.