My parents are both psychotherapists and old hippies. I grew up in an environment where meditation and the mind were known and discussed. Early stressors came from interactions with my older sister and father (who would yell and generally display instability, which I blamed myself for). I started out with a hypersensitive and overly empathetic temperament. This would later develop into highly obsessive tendencies.
The first signs of major instability came with depression in 6th grade. In 8th grade I started smoking pot once a week. This habit eventually developed into once a day, and by 11th grade I had tried most recreational drugs other than major narcotics.
Sitting in Physics class, Spring of 2008, I felt a wave of negative emotion come over me that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was so agitated I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I am fairly sure that this was triggered by a combination of early stressors, sensitive temperament, and drug usage. This was my first encounter with bipolar disorder, a disease that I would still be struggling with over 8 years later (upon writing this).
In my preteen years I would fantasize about being a Samurai. This led me to read Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, and I eventually moved on to classics such as Be Here Now. I occasionally practiced mindfulness, teetering on access concentration. In college I began to attend a Rinzai Zen meditation group. I also worked in a Shaktipat tradition, with a man named Stuart Perrin.
I crossed the A&P in the Summer of 2011, while on retreat with Amma, the Hugging Saint. I had been silently doing Puja with the mantra she gave me while walking around. I said a resolution that I wanted to have a powerful experience. While sitting on the floor near the stage she was teaching from, I locked eyes with her for a moment and saw glint of light pass between us. Later, when she answered a question about reincarnation, her words triggered a sobbing fit that evolved into a 3-day hallucinogenic experience.
After this experience, I became obsessed with the law of attraction, and began to wonder how I could heal myself. I suspect my work with resolution during this time serendipitously led me to pragmatic dharma by Mid 2013.
The first signs of major instability came with depression in 6th grade. In 8th grade I started smoking pot once a week. This habit eventually developed into once a day, and by 11th grade I had tried most recreational drugs other than major narcotics.
Sitting in Physics class, Spring of 2008, I felt a wave of negative emotion come over me that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was so agitated I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I am fairly sure that this was triggered by a combination of early stressors, sensitive temperament, and drug usage. This was my first encounter with bipolar disorder, a disease that I would still be struggling with over 8 years later (upon writing this).
In my preteen years I would fantasize about being a Samurai. This led me to read Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, and I eventually moved on to classics such as Be Here Now. I occasionally practiced mindfulness, teetering on access concentration. In college I began to attend a Rinzai Zen meditation group. I also worked in a Shaktipat tradition, with a man named Stuart Perrin.
I crossed the A&P in the Summer of 2011, while on retreat with Amma, the Hugging Saint. I had been silently doing Puja with the mantra she gave me while walking around. I said a resolution that I wanted to have a powerful experience. While sitting on the floor near the stage she was teaching from, I locked eyes with her for a moment and saw glint of light pass between us. Later, when she answered a question about reincarnation, her words triggered a sobbing fit that evolved into a 3-day hallucinogenic experience.
After this experience, I became obsessed with the law of attraction, and began to wonder how I could heal myself. I suspect my work with resolution during this time serendipitously led me to pragmatic dharma by Mid 2013.
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