This month, I struggled to balance the tension of effort with the release of letting go. I talked to Shargrol, who recommended that I be more like a “loose racecar,” as in Formula One, where they have to balance control with speed. I also spoke with Richard, who said that I’m probably experiencing a psychological driver, ala the Transactional Analysis school of psychology: something below the surface personality but above the animal instinct level. These pointers helped me recognize the need for balance. I moved to a new house in a nicer neighborhood and started working for a large company in a job that is very fast paced and challenging. I’ve earned praise from my manager for my hard work at this job, which I definitely would not have been able to do without the adjustments I’ve made to my mind over the past few years. However, I am not able to do any off-cushion joy or mindfulness because of the high level of focus required. Also my life improv...
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.