In February, formal practice continued as calm abiding generally inspired by TMI. I started to see how difficult calm abiding practice really is for me. Not that the experience of doing it is unpleasant in any way, but rather that I am simply not able to place my attention on one object, continuously, for extended periods of time (even after several months of regular practice). For whatever karmic or other reason, my progress in insight-heavy practices has been much faster than concentration-heavy. Not a “problem”, just an observation. In order to boost my off cushion concentration, I started wearing a smartwatch that buzzed every 5 minutes. I increased this to every 1 minute by the end of the month & found that it helped me maintain continuity of concentration off cushion. I read the Magus of Java & started to research Neikung, which led me to restart a daily grounding practice of horse stance for 15 minutes with lower dan tien stirring at the end....
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.