I had a few more mini shifts in the first week of the month that have persisted as baseline adjustments. The first two occurred through powerful cessations. One felt like it switched the circuit-breaker of my automatic vedana from “aversion” to “neutral,” loosening my irritation. The other increased equanimity around negative emotions and thoughts; I suddenly feel like I can invite all the paradoxes, irritations, thrills, joys and fears into one room to sit on the couch as one happy family. This set the stage for the third, which was more major. I was sitting at work, talking to my higher self, when this still, small voice told me: you need to give this life a chance, and stop assuming that everything is a problem, it’s not “bipolar disorder,” it’s called having a freakin’ personality, relax, breathe… welcome to Earth . I took the deepest, most joyful breath of my life, and looked out the window, seeing some birds flying next to swaying trees. ...
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.