During the beginning of August, the shift into whole-knowing from July continued. However, the knowing did not seem to be fully bloomed or unfolded into the expansive screen upon which experiences arises. I practiced toggling back & forth between these foreground & background consciousnesses until they seemed to partially blend together. This took place off cushion, over two weeks. In the second half of August, I did more formal sitting, practicing the sequence from the July retreat. The instructions on investigation of boundaries proved to be fruitful. Even while direct perception seemed fairly open, the secondary conceptual structures of personality, emotion, body, other people, society, the world, time, personal meaning & the path seemed to bust open when I pointed my awareness at them. Through the course of maybe 15 or 20 repetitions of the retreat instructions, it felt as if I was “clearing the fields.” This left t...
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.