As of 3/28/2020, I no longer identify as having realized any stage on a traditional map of awakening. However, all positive effects of practice described within this journal are true to my direct, ongoing experience. 1 - January 2015 I was trying to follow this need I felt to allow reality to be inherently pleasurable, forever. As I thought this, it felt like someone blew a hole in my crown chakra (I think of Fight Club’s final scene in which Tyler Durden shoots himself in the head). 2 - July 2015 An idea popped into my head; the stuff inside my body is the same as the stuff outside of it. The tension associated with fundamental duality arises out of a perceived dissonance between inside and outside. If I could let my inner field vibrate at the same frequency as the external field, like a tuning fork, then life really could be inherently pleasurable. There was a warm, shaking, pillow of energy that arose through my body. The...
At the intersection of deep meditation, growing up, and mood disorder.