February 2018

Heavy focus on morality this month.  Keeping a tighter consistency with the discipline.  Including housekeeping, self care, finance, career, service, hobbies.  Since December (when some depression went away) this has been easier. Now just buttoning it all up to connect the days, weeks & months.  Wiring it in, step by step. I can feel the mind shifting ever-more in favor of health & wellness, away from the desire to wallow away in disorganized, indulgent zombiehood.  There is not a value judgement in this; I don’t think I’m “good” for doing these “good” activities. Rather, they just feel really positive & lead to efficacious results.

Formal practice was this sequence: visualizing perfect parent -> focus on breath at abdomen (circular) -> then breath on top & bottom (spherical) -> then “mix” the backdrop/ground in -> then open eyes & “mix” lucidity in -> repeat.   Towards the end of the month, I started working with a new spiritual friend who has agreed to help me integrate the fruits of meditation with the yet-unresolved, internal knots around sexuality.  Very excited to see how that unfolds.