June 2018

The shift from May continued.  The ‘looseness’ of the attentional unit, dancing & mirroring the world ‘out there.’  It has been greatly freeing to recognize the way this part of the field is just happening.  

A practice theme this month was vulnerability, transparency & self-acceptance.  Challenging self to be more honest than is necessarily comfortable, both internally & in dialogue with others.  Feeling the emotions that this brings up in the body, while actively relaxing the muscles & general body structure.  This led to thoughts about the relationship between my irritation-agitation patterns & the outside world, with the possibility of ‘unhooking’ those two things from each other.  I also felt more in tune with my frustrations around libido & the ego knots which have been tied around that.

Relatedly, I worked more on bodily relaxation with my mentor, expanding that to the head’s position, my ribs & abdomen, & pelvic floor. It was surprising to see how I have been tensing subconsciously in daily life, particularly in the abdominal armoring.  Wiring in the ability to stay relaxed most of the time is a long-term project.  I notice I feel mentally tranquilized when doing this, but have not yet been able to do it every day.

I went to see Amma & had a similar experience to one I had last year while seeing her: somehow her presence triggers the image of a rotating galaxy-vortex thingy in outer space (which looks like the machine from the movie Contact).   Last year I saw it in her & this year I saw-felt it in me.  This experience reoccurred over the next week or so & developed into a sense that spaciousness was collapsing first into a flat screen & then folding into a tiny cube.  As a parallel image, there was a synesthesia of different planes of sensation twisting into each other, i.e. the silence between sounds becoming a physical point, or a visual object expanding into the body as a whole.  The experience has not continued into July, which makes me think it is a preview of coming attractions, within an A&P, or something of that general nature.

I also did a journey, with the help of a substance & some friends.  There was an intelligence present which seemed to confirm the validity of my space-collapsing experience as being worthwhile.  Soon after, I began to sense a new being when I did perfect parent practice.  Through the visualization, the being was clarified over a the next week or so.  It's human form was a tall, gaunt, tattooed, old, native american warrior with green eyes.  It carried a sword & tended to hang out by campfires, playing a didgeridoo (yes I know my cultures don't line up) with female figures dancing in the vicinity.  These all occurred in spontaneous visions.  This entity seems to have 2 characteristics: loving tenderness & raw power (like 2 streams blending to become a river).